As I sit here on a sweltering summer afternoon in my un-air conditioned apartment with my laptop burning ABIHSOT into my thighs, I’m thinking about all the ways I might keep from bursting into flames.

Now, I know that Beaverhead County’s relative lack of humidity makes my complaint about the heat a bit of a whine-fest compared to those who suffer through heat and 100 percent humidity. But hey, 90 degrees is still hot, humidity or not.

So here’s my list (in no particular order) of ways to beat the heat:

1. Float the Beaverhead River. My friend Jen does this so often that her faithful dog requires his own tube and stays by her side while she cruises the river.

2. Take a boat out on Clark Canyon Dam. Beautiful vistas, cool breezes, and Clark’s (of Lewis and Clark) buried loot make the area a dam (pardon the pun) fine respite from the heat.

3. Visit the Bannack Saloon during Bannack Days for a double shot (two scoops) of ice cream. Delicious and historical.

4. Set up the sprinklers and plastic tarps for a little slippy slide actionin the backyard. Get a good running start and slide until the grass heads down your shorts.

5. Hang out at buddy’s/neighbor’s/friendly stranger’s house with air conditioning, or, in a pinch, in Safeway’s frozen entrees section.

6. Take a road trip to Bozeman to Dave’s Sushi for a refreshing cup of cucumber salad. Beware the wasabi edamame—delicious but able to raise your body temperature in a single mouthful.

7. Buy a plastic bag of brews at the Demo Derby and use the remaining ice and the bag as an ice pack for your head and neck. Extra points for making it into a hat.

8. Create a March of the Penguins habitat and watch the DVD in an ice-cold bath.

9. Listen to singer Bjork from Iceland where the high temperature in Reykjavik this week is 55 degrees.

10. “Get your motor running [and] head out on the highway” with the windows down and Steppenwolf on the stereo. Hang your elbow out the car window to achieve a one-armed farmer tan.

And if all else fails, remember that here in Montana in three months, it’ll probably be snowing.