The Roaringgrrl
Roaringgrrl

Why I Should Live in the Country

As a kid, I assumed that everyone’s neighbors hated them. To the left of us, our neighbors’ sons played endless rounds of basketball, resting between games on the railroad ties that cordoned off my mother’s flowers. In an attempt to keep them out of the flowers, my folks slicked the ties with oil, warning the boys not to sit there anymore. Several ruined pairs of pants later, the boys finally got the message...

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Like Everyone Else

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve done things because they made me different. Instead of buying a four-wheel drive vehicle when I moved to snowy Montana, I bought a MINI Cooper with a clearance so low ants could barely limbo under it.

Instead of buying a house when I moved here (thereby establishing some equity and discontinuing my practice of, as my friend Terri puts, ‘flushing money down the toilet’), I rented an apartment...

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This New Condo

Last night I dreamt I was on a swim team. After watching me swim for a few minutes, the coach decided I shouldn’t swim more than one length of the pool during meets. Because I don’t do flip turns, she reasoned, there was no use in swimming more than one lap.
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Juicy Expectations

It was such a simple plan. Go to Vienna for Christmas and meet Peter’s parents. Tour the city, eat some cookies, enjoy some general merriment. << MORE >>

Roomies

During my first two years of college dorm living, I managed to run through five roommates. After number three and I parted ways, I forced myself to consider the possibility that the problem might be with me.

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Share and Share Alike. . . . For Real, This Time

Since I was little, I always thought the coolest job in the world would be to be a Christmas tree farmer.

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The Female Professor on Film

In a February 2010 Chronicle of Higher Education article entitled, “The Thrill is Gone: Recent films portray the malaise of academic life,” Jeffrey Williams describes the prosaic lifestyle of the professoriate portrayed in recent films The Visitor, Smart People, and Elegy. Uninspired in the classroom or by their research, these aging professors belie the popular stereotype of the beloved tweedy professor pontificating to groups of adoring students. ...

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O Holy Ketchup

Last Christmas, I wrote about my first time being away from my family during the holidays. I vowed to add new traditions to keep things fresh, such as watching The Sopranos on Christmas day and doing donuts with Jacek in his car in the school parking lot at midnight<< MORE >>

Conveyer Belt of Love

In January, I watched what was either the greatest television show ever or one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. The show was called, “Conveyer Belt of Love.”

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Bridget Jones' Classroom


Just recently, a new colleague in my department experienced every professor’s worst nightmare. She forgot to go to class. On the first day.

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Fraidy Cat


I’m not what you would call a sporty person. I’ve never felt the need to run or jog (except after an ice cream truck or the Schwan’s guy), and the idea of chasing after a ball whether it be volley, foot, base, or basket in nature has never appealed to me.


I do, however, love to swim. When I was 8 or 9, my parents encouraged (read: forced) my brother to stop staring at the television and join our neighborhood swim team. As a tag-a-long little sister, I begged to be included in this ...<< MORE >>

Quirky TV Shows Featuring a Strong Female Lead


With access to high speed internet this summer, I’ve taken to downloading shows and movies. After watching several episodes of Weeds, the title, “Quirky TV Shows Featuring a Strong Female Lead,” appeared in my queue as a genre that Netflix apparently feels is suited to my taste. The title also appropriately describes my summer vacation.


I’ve had a little too much time on my hands. After not being 100% satisfied with certain products, I called a lot of companies to complain. My call to L’Oreal about a greasy face cream ...<< MORE >>

Blue Highways Revisited


In my last column, I discussed my need to get the hell out of dodge so I could shake the anger and misery of a bad school year. I’m not sure going on a cross country road trip was the way to do it. << MORE >>

Mapping


The academic year is over. I have no major complaints. I’m still employed and most of my colleagues are still speaking to me. My night table is stacked with delectable goodies to read, and my TIVO is almost filled to capacity with the past year’s Masterpiece Theatres just waiting for me to submit my final grades.<< MORE >>

Life is Like a Box of Booberry Cereal


When we were growing up, my brother and I weren’t allowed to eat cereal with marshmallows. Every two weeks, Mom would take us to the store, hand us a stack of coupons, and tell us to find cereal that matched the coupons. Shuffling through the stack, I would always pick out Froot Loops, Trix, and Fruity Pebbles, but my brother, ever the cheapo, would make me take the cereal that had the highest dollar savings on its corresponding coupon.


As a result, boxes and boxes of Life cereal traveled through my childhood. Damn you, Mikey!<< MORE >>

Christmas with The Sopranos

This is the first year that I’m spending the holidays away from my family. As I type this, I’m watching the snow fall while listening to Sirius Radio Hanukkah.<< MORE >>

Pep Rallies and Other Places I Don't Belong

A friend once told me that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. According to this definition, then, I’m insane.

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My Montana Summer

This was my summer to discover Montana. This state is chock-full of geological marvels like Glacier National Park, Yellowstone National Park, and what are known to me only as “the pretty mountains one passes on the way to shop in Bozeman.” These places attract tourists from the far reaches of the world who hike, bike, and camp through Montana’s natural wonders. I am not one of these people. << MORE >>

The Grand Gesture

I think I watch too many movies. In fact, I’m sure of it.<< MORE >>

Critical Floating

I live in Montana and in the summer, I don’t fish, hunt, hike, or camp. I float. That is, I slather on some sun screen, get into an inner tube, and let the current take me down a river. << MORE >>